Treading water with my legs bound

With everthing rapidly piling up, I'm starting to feel like I'm slowly being buried. After finding the courage to inform my husband on my observations of his behavior he always says that he is sorry and that he agrees with the statements I've made about his behavior---that lasts about 24 hours and when he does it again and I point it out to him--he says that I don't know what I'm talking about or he doesn't agree. It's draining and frustrating. It's yet another reason I'm scared to have kids. How am I going to find the reserves of patience and calm to raise a kid? How am I going to keep said kid safe, when I'm not at home? H can't keep the dog safe let alone a kid. I think that I should give my dog away-not because I don't love and adore her, but because she's one more burden and responsibility. There are no future plans to ditch her but something has to give and I don't want it to be my sanity.

It is so overwhelming. I have goals that I am attempting to accomplish that I don't even have the energy for. A job that is constantly imploding with some crisis or personal vendetta. I feel so unable to center myself and maintain any semblance of inner peace or solace. How am I going to care for my husband, compassionately and kindly? I feel stressed and frustrated and am prone to be snappish in ways that I haven't before. How do I stop this? I am on antidepressents and they help. But it's not a magic pill.

There are so many things to plan for medically, financially, and mentally. Its just so sad. And I'm so sad that I wish I could get away from or bypass it some how. But I have people who love and care about me and I've seen what kind of devestation suicide leaves in its wake. My parents would be devestated and so would some of my friends--I know because I would be. I want to be here to see how the lives of people I love turn out. I care for them and they for me but its so PAINFUL. Watching someone you love die so slowly. The specialist says that huntington's is a 20 year disease from onset. I can't imagine dealing with this for twenty years, when this is year one and it feels intolerable.

I keep finding myself looking at vacation brochures--because I want to get away from all this. The problem is that if I'm not leaving for good I would have to come back eventually and the problem would still be here. It's just a pause in my problems not a delete.

In therapy my counselor urged my to live in the moment--but when the moment is so painful--how do you just live in it?

HOW?